Growing Up, Moving On

I came across this piece while going through one of my old blogs, and I can't get over how it seems to sum up the last two years of my life. I've changed a lot, indeed, yet I still haven't come to terms with the direction my life is heading. I'm still trying to become whole in mind and body, and I'm not sure if that's something that will ever change.

Bottom line - it's time for me to become passionate again. Ph.D., here I come!

"Melting, Melding, Molding

How interesting, how confusing, unpredictable and energizing life is. I am who I have always been, yet somehow I seem to contradict myself wherever I go. I play into the world’s stereotypes yet try to break them, I am sternly feminist yet care deeply for the desires of men. What a joy it’s been to be kicked off my feet for once.

I try to be unapologetic for who I am, solidly standing in who I have become based on the experiences life has pushed upon me. Although I am deeply content with the person I have developed into I feel that there is so much more for me to become. I certainly have a hole in my story. Friends and family seem to define a person, depending on the amount, type, world views, and passion, yet I have never felt defined by someone. I’m not sure if I have seen eye to eye with every one of my close friends, perhaps I have just been floating along the river of youth unaware of the world that has opened up to me…

Now I am praised for who I am, who I have become, yet I see this future of mine taking a drastic turn onto a two way street filled with live music, people dancing in the streets, coffee houses and yummy cocktails. Is this really where my life is heading, or should I put on my blinkers and make a U-turn? I hope that I follow this street, wherever it takes me, because I see in myself things that I haven’t yet accepted or let known to humans. I would love to be relaxed and joyful in gait, intelligent in speech, and sexy beyond belief in the way I move my body to the upbeat music that has been blaring in my head for the past few years.

I have and will continue to melt and meld into a person who is whole in mind and body, a person who is and has always been."